the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
