paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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