OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
