My first STD was from a foam party
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
