Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
