There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize