You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
