Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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