The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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