he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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