His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
