I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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