i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
