gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
