I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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