...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
