I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize