I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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