I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
