Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Couch. On fire.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
