I puked a lego.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Pants are for mortals
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
