neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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