stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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