Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
