I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Non-Jews are for practice
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
