At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
