I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize