there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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