Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
