your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
