he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
