lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
