Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
