I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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