dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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