I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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