White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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