Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
