Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
