Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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