Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm both gender and math confused
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize