doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
