Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
