my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
