I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
