you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
