i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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