Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
