Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
