.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
