I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
