You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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