We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm always down for nudity.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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