question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
