a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize