I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
