her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
