The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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