I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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