As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
