dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
accomplished twins. life is a go
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
