I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
