Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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