can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
