I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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