Michael Bay diarrhea
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
