my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
this will be a night to untag.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
