Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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