You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
