I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
love makes seman taste better
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
