You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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