Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
