Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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