Will you blow on my dice?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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