I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
