I wish I could punch you in the face.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
