You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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