I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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