you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize