Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
