this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
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