dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
