If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
