There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
