It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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