Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
