She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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