I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
