yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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