i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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