you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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