Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
