Already got asked if we're dating
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
