you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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