I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
