im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
