and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Boobs are out for the taking
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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