just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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