I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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