Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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