WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
