Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
