We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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